mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
