the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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