I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
