my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
