All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
