Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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