He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
