No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
