my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
