He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
