I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
