Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
