I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
