I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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