the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
