You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
