: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
