I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
