Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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