No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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