3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
