whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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