first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
