The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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