He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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