of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
