remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
