Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
