I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
