halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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