Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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