He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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