WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
