So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
