You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He did a backflip because drugs
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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