Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think i have two assholes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i came on her dog
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
