i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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