It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
is that a dick in a sweater?
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