when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
