i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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