tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
