I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
