Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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