I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize