ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
