Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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