Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
