His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize