So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
