i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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