now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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