North Korea, Best Korea!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize