I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
