he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
ttyl tear gas
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
