Apparently you make a good broom.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
