The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
