just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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