you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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