I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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