I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
