Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
