I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
