I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
