You made me cry and you don't even care
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
