Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They took my balls.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
