He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
