I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize