she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize