You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
