i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
All the doctor said was why
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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