He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
