ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
