I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
