The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
